she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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