you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I am spending my child support on dildos
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize