you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
