This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
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I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You dont lie about slip and slides
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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