It's like God shit irony all over that family
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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