That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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