doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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