Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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