Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
