Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize