Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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