I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
