Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
