She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
