then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
