What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
