I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
