Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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