you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize