I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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