At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
