Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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