Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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