i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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