I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
