I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
