I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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