and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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