I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
