I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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