He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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