She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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