I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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