No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
