You don't have asthma, your pregnant
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize