before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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