And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
