I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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