bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
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She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
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She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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