I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.