she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
