Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(507): View more from Minnesota

drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?

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(313): View more from Michigan

Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"

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(480): View more from Arizona

I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(210): View more from Texas

I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.

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(205): View more from Alabama

She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."

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(602): View more from Arizona

You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter

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