you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.