But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem