I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
