I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
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It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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