Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
