the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
