Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
