Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
