Where did you get a picture of my penis
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
