i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
