did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize