i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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