She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
