Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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