dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
