im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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