How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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