Already got asked if we're dating
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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