It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
