yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Damn victory sex feels great
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
