Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
