i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
