And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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