i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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